totally confused
I just don’t know why I feel this way. I felt something’s missing… all I know is that I’m already filled. But what does this feeling inside of me mean? Empty? Unsatisfied? Maybe, I’m not yet convinced that everything is doing fine and well.
I felt this symptom began yesterday….after taking a nap and had visited the prospect house for another LA guy’s apartment. I can still sense that I’m alright after the birthday celebration of Tim at Mendoza’s home where we took our lunch. But right after taking a nap, I just felt I lost someone or something. Or am I in the process of loosing something or someone?
Louie’s bracelet snapped (literally broke or “napatid”) last night. Some say it’s a bad premonition that something worse would happen. But I don’t mind….I don’t believe in omen anyways. But after that, while staring at the ceiling (at Haggai), …I don’t know! I just keep on staring at the fluorescent lamp doing nothing, saying nothing and thinking about nothing (???)!!!!
Until I was able to have a sound sleep, then when I woke up I felt uneasiness on me. I just don’t know why I have this feeling inside (“napakabigat sa loob”). I’m still figuring things out…what’s wrong, what’s missing and what to do no now? I’m sure I’m confused. I just don’t know what I’m talking about…!!!!
feelin' blue at... 5:55 PM
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my first day at work
Nothing much relevant happened this day. Oh well, except for the database helpthat I lend to jeanette (my officemate), nothing much work was done.
I was actually expecting a terrible full-loaded first day work in my first employment at Jocanima, but goodness (or should I say sadness?!) after going to office on time (8am),I just found out that everything needed to be done for the first day (contract-signing,discussion of the type of work), except for the usual briefing and rearanging of personalthings (i just used a vacated table and PC by a newly-resigned personnel whom i replaced),was all set the followong day or maybe next week.
Nothing much was done, my first day of work was intended only to eating gardenia bread filledwith cottage cheese as my breakfast, sisig lunch, pizza for snack and updating my blog.
I'm just starting to familiarize myself with the company and the place. Maybe after that,it's all about business...!!!
feelin' blue at... 2:05 PM
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life is so short
just last sunday... i'm being reminded of my friend named normand secreto. upon knowing that his an educator at Trace, i immediately looked for myka or melizze if they know him and eventually would ask for normand's new number. i just don'tknow why i suddenly missed my former roommate at IH. then suddenly, just this morning, while jan is trying to edit my blog, ate beth bring a grave news.... NORMAND IS ALREADY DEAD!
i was in shock, but i tried not to show my real emotions during that time. i focussed my glance on the new blog jan was doing.
but just this evening, after attending "tribute to normand" at the destiny center, after seeing him in a coffin, i can't even utter any single word. I can't believe that my former roommate is the one lying inside that coffin.
even after that, while we are on our way to haggai, kuya elson noticed my silence. he put his left arm on my left shoulder and said "that's our life on earth, it's quite short! if it's really your time, then it's time to go home!"
my memory tried to recall the scenes when we were still in IH; how normand burns his midnight candle in studying his lessons eventhough his exam is just a few days away; how he strum his guitar and play sentimental songs, how he laugh at just a corny joke, and how he cares for his roommates by sharing his one-piece loafbread (eventhough it's just the only one left). but my mind flashes back not on our good memories but on how i had lived m life. then I began to ask myself, "Am I doing my purpose in this world?"
everybody keeps on saying "just do that stuff tomorrow, the week is long", but only few knows that LIFE IS REALLY SHORT. what if there's no tomorrow for you? were you able to do the things you are supposed to do for today? have you spend your quality times for those persons whom you really cared for? when was the last time you said "i love you" to those individuals you value most? most of all, did you do your assignment in this world?...your real purpose why you are here on earth????
there is always a time for everything, but you really can't tell when is the right time to bid farewell. I am the type of person who really plans my day, my weeks, my months, my upcoming years and my future without even asking myself if i would able to reach that time.
normand's death taught me not just to value every day of my life and to do my purpose in this world while I'm still here. But most of all, normand's farewell lead me to a realization i usually forget... that LIFE IS SO SHORT".
Normand, ... i just want to thank you for teaching me one of the greatest realizations in life..!
feelin' blue at... 9:56 PM
1 comments
thanks
salamat mo kay dherald for editing my blog. galing mo tlaga tol!!!
feelin' blue at... 10:56 AM
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the four elements of letting go
paano kung dumating ang senyales na matagal mo nang hinihingi, pero kailangang isakripisyo mo ang isang bagay na sobra mong pinahalagahan... pakakawalan mo ba ito?
mayroon daw apat na klase ng pagpapakawala at kitatampukan ito ng 4 na elemneto ng mundo (encantadia ba ito?).
sabi sa akin ni danaya, pinakamadaling gawin ang pagpapakawala sa elemento ng lupa. para raw freesbie... itatapon mo, at nasa sayo kung hahabulin mo o hindi. pero pag tinapon mo sa isang sulok, naroon lang iyon at maari mong balikan kung kailan mo gusto.
sabi naman sa akin ni alena, madali lang magtapon sa tubig. parang tipak lng ng bato o metal na maari mong lunurin sa kailaliman ng dagat. pwede mo itong kunin uli kung kailan mo gusto, pero paghihirapan mo munang sisirin ang kailaliman ng karagatan bago mapasaiyo uli ang bagay na tinapon mo.
sabi sa akin ni amihan, mahirap kung pakakawalan mo sa hangin. parang lobong pinalipad sa ere, sa oras na pinakawalan mo, wala nang atrasan...wala nang bawian. maari itong bumalik sa yo, maari ring hindi. hangin na lang daw ang makakapagsabi nyan. pag binalik sa iyo, magpasalamat ka. pag hindi naman ibinalik, hayaan mo na lang.
pinakamahirap daw pakawalan ang isang bagay sa apoy. ang sabi sa akin ni pirena, oras na ihulog ko ang isang bagay sa lagablab ng apoy, matutunaw o masusunog ito, at wala ka nang pagkakataong mabawi uli o bumalik man sa yo ang naturang bagay.
ibinigay sa akin ang 4 na brilyante....kapag handa na raw ako, piliin ko lang daw kung aling brilyante ang gagamitin ko sa pagpapakawala ng bagay na iyon. isang beses lang daw, at di na pwedeng bumawi kapag nakapamili na.
pinakamadali sa lupa, madali lang sa tubig, mahirap sa hangin, mas mahirap sa apoy. isang linggo lang ang binigay na palugit. kaya't magpasahanggang ngayun, hawak ko ang apat na brilyante... patuloy na nag-iisip kung alin ang gagamitin.
ang malaking katanungan bago ako makapili.... "handa na nga ba akong pakawalan ang bagay na iyon?"
